Sweatshirts

When I'm walking around campus I can't help but notice, of all things, how some people are blessed with this special skill: keeping their sweatshirt hoods down flat against their backs. Mine always sticks out at a 90 degree angle. So then when I actually wear the hood I look like a KKK member, especially in my white one.

Old School Playgrounds

The reason kids these days have such low self-esteem is because, well, just look at their wussy playgrounds. (This just in: I've officially become old).
Here's a list of things they need to reinstate at all playgrounds:
1. Rickety Merry-Go-Rounds because the one with the strongest stomach survives. It's darwinism at its finest.
2. Tan Bark because splinters add character.
3. Long Metal Slides because the burn marks on the back of your thighs are nothing compared to the spanking your parents gave you at home.
4. Lead Paint because it killed your taste buds so that mom's cooking would taste like heaven.