Pat Crossland for Prezident

With the election of Arnold S. as California's governor, an interest to recall Hoover Elementary's student council president has arose. In my opinion, I have found a better candidate: Pat Crossland.

He would certainly improve Camp Hill's public education by focusing on building vocabulary skills. Afterall, he knows "that in Pittsburgh they call soda pop." Spoken like a real genius. His political campaign can run on the concept that he is a "comman man." He picks his nose just like the majority of his would-be constituents and will ingrave segregation principles that are presently being implented by parents across the Borough of Camp Hill. He even proudly displays his school spirit, wearing his "Class of 2003" long sleeve t-shirt 3 out of 5 days a week.

Still not convinced? Let me quote Mr. Crossland's entry in my 12th grade yearbook:

"Steph[,]
This year has Been
greaT. I Had The BesT
Time in gym and CiP[.]
HoPe you Have a
wonderFull Summer
and in college. You
Were The FunnesT Person
in our gym class[.]
PaT "

Despite the "minor" and hardly noticable grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors, Pat's message is clear: I've never had any social interaction outside of my classes. Therefore, it is certain he will focus on the life threatening issues and concerns of 5th graders. That is, as long as he doesn't have another seizure.

S.O.B (Son of a Bum)

I want to know who the idiot was that decided volunteering is a good thing. It doesn't make me feel "all good inside." Rather, I am outraged by the fact that I spent precious moments of my life helping the helpless. They got to their lowly state; they can get themselves out. By helping them, through food drives or just plain monetary donations, we are reinforcing their terrible behavior. Helping the less fortunate would make as much sense as Pat Saylor running the CHHS Highlight. Oh wait, she does.

More often then not, they're not really bums at all. I've seen many a so-called hobos get up from their street corner or underpass, toss their carboard sign into the back of a mercedes, and drive off only to park it on the Hill.

Don't listen to the celebrity endorsements either. Afterall, they're getting a big fat check in the mail for their appearance and I assure you they won't turn around and donate it to the cause they were supporting in the advertisement.